Is it Apathy?
You know- I'm not one for exposing my heart on the internet for the whole world to read. I wanted to maintain my blog as a way for people to keep up with what I was doing mainly back home in Fredericon- however I feel vulnerable tonight, and I apologize in advance to everyone out there in cyber land as I disentangle the mystery of my heart. I wish I was better at journalling. I asked Skyy once to lay hands on me and impart the gift of journalling- she wasn't digging me. Blogging will have to do.
I don't understand intercession. A little testimony- I was placed on an "intercession" team probably when I was 18 or 19 and I had never seen a physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit ever. Our team started to pray and I here I was with a bunch of Anglican kids and I got knocked out flat on my face and I started to groan and make noises that I had never made before. Someone thought I was sick and ran and got David Parsons (thank God they got him). He sat beside me for like three hours and it never stopped and this way that I pray has never changed. Now don't get me wrong I understand what "intercession" is.. I know that it's an intervening prayer- a prayer to God on behalf of another person. What I really need wisdom in is this whole travailing deal. I've done a little research over the years and I've discovered (I think)- that this particular kind of intercession is called burden bearing. It makes perfect sense to me. Sometimes when I pray (or groan, let's not get technical), I don't feel comfortable (don't get weirded out), unless I'm in a particular position. Some people have told me I look like I'm giving birth. I don't know- I just really want to learn more about it and I really desire to be mentored in intercession, I really believe that's the gifting God has placed on me. I don't understand anything about it- all I can say is that I go with it and pray that something is "birthed" through travailing. I'm praying that God will increase words of knowledge and wisdom so that I will have a better awareness of what I am travailing for. Sometimes I'm just flung into it and I don't know why and I just have to trust that there's a reason and God knows and God is just using me as His vessel and something somewhere will be released because of it. I really would love to walk in an increased discernment though. Yeah- I don't know why this is really on my heart right now- I guess, it's because I know this gift is there and I haven't been doing anything about it mainly because I'm scared and because I don't know how to use it. I was driving in the van alone a couple weeks ago and I felt the presence of the Lord just come in the van and something rose up in me like never before and I felt myself just taking back what had been stolen from me. I've walked in so much timidity and fear. There needs to be a mentoring group for intercessors.. seriously... that way no one gets freaked out or offended and others can learn... anyways just my thoughts.
Here's some stuff that I've been looking through
1-Intercession involves burden bearing.
a- Carrying of burdens involves taking on the weakness of the individual, 'family' unit, or corporate unit.
-Lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life.
b-Burden-bearing includes taking on the 'personality' of the one prayed for - living out the reactions of the one prayed for - so that the one prayed for can come face to face with their self and their flesh.
-The guardian angel of the one prayed for will accurately manifest how 'his charge' would react in any given scenario.
c-Forsakenness may be felt because God the Father cannot look on burden- bearer - Father sees Jesus on the cross in the person and must look away.
1-Holy Spirit still communicates with the burden-bearer to comfort and encourage him.
2-Jesus will communicate with the burden-bearer about the ministry of suffering.
2-Groaning and travail.
a-Groaning is the Spirit praying when we don't know what to pray. II Corinthians 10:14
Travail - Galatians 4:19; Isaiah 66:7,8; Isaiah 53:11; John 16:21.
When a woman gives birth to a child, she travails. John 16:21
Burdens are conceived as a child is and are born with travail.
Zion travailed and brought forth children. Isaiah 66:7,8
Paul travailed for the Galatians until they were mature. Galatians 4:19
Christ travailed - pouring out His soul unto death.
3-Three stages of a burden - three stages of a baby's growth within the womb.
a-First trimester - burden is light - conscious of its growth but not heavy or uncomfortable.
b-Second trimester - burden begins to get heavy and we begin to get uncomfortable under it.
c-Third trimester - burden very heavy, ever aware of its presence - travail begins.
4-Three stages of travail - similar to stages of labor.
a-Muscle contractions can occur causing muscle strain, pain, and fatigue.
b-Travail progresses from light to moderate to heavy.
c-Release comes when the burden is birthed.
5-Holy Spirit (through Himself and the angels) then sets up the scenarios necessary for the subject of the burden to learn what the burden accomplished.
Psalm 91:11 - For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways
http://www.elijah.org/perfecting/incburdn.htm
