Life on the bus Here are a few "unofficial" guidelines that I have observed from enjoying Victoria's fine public (note "public" Mike Caines) transportation system.

- Don't talk on your cell phone- it annoys the crap out of everyone else.

-For long bus rides, books and head phones are mandatory or else you are forced to make conversation with the person sitting next to you.

-Don't stare, it weirds people out.

-If you're riding on a double decker bus and you're young and "cool" you ride upstairs- that's where the party is.

-If a boy gets on the bus and sees a girl who he thinks is pretty it's proper bus etiquette for him to sit with her.

-If the bus is full and you're young and mobile you must stand and let other people who are older or who have children sit down.

-Don't use the entrance door as an exit- sometimes the bus driver will yell at you.

-Don't make annoying body sounds.

-Don't roll joints.

-Don't turn your discman up really loud so the whole bus can hear and then sing a long.

-Offer the front seat of the top of the double decker to the tourists- they always want to take pictures.

-Don't make out with your girlfriend...it scares the old ladies.

-Don't fall asleep, you'll probably miss your stop.  ¶ 5:57 PM