Be still and know
laying on my bed listening to the birds... I keep coming back to this- I really want a disciplined life. Why won't God leave me alone on this one? Is it the conviction of the Holy Spirit or is it my own personal condemnation and striving to want to be someone that I'm not capable of being-- not yet anyway. God may I not toil my life away- constantly refine me that I may live a discplined life and be an effective person for your kingdom..give me peace in the now- and a stillness in my Spirit in knowing that you are God.
Just arrived home from a quick trip to Fredericton. I've spent four outta the last five days in Fredericton- but somehow managed not to miss any classes on Monday or Tuesday in Saint! I had the same bus driver three times- so of course I heard the same story about the Welsford Esso going up in flames due to some guy with a gun shooting a the gas tanks three times. I'm not sure if he tells every person who sits in the front seat that story. You'd think I would look kinda familiar to him- we talked the whoooooole way all to and from Saint John and Fredericton all three times. I learned some very interesting facts about the Welsford Irving for anyone who is interested. I learned that before the Welsford Esso blew up it was the "community" liquor store-- and now that the Esso is not rebuilding the Irving wants to take advantage of the extra revenue that can be gained from selling alcohol in their convenience store and attach a liquor store to their store. Here's the clincher---the man that managed the Irving was a Christian man and most of his employees were as well. He was let go so that the liquor store could be put in. The things you learn on a bus. God Bless you Mr. Former Irving Manager.
Well Fredericton was a good time. I'll be back with my entire school next week for a four day mission. There's nothing like doing a mission to your home city. Even today I was driving up Regent street and I had a worship CD turned up and I was thinking about Fredericton and I felt a real shift in my attitude. I remember a time when I hated Fredericton and I wanted nothing but to leave (I've been here my whole life). I started to pray and I really believe that in the time I've been gone something has been shifting in the city- it was so much easier to pray- maybe it's just my attitude and my growing love for the city. Anyways I'm excited for next week- we'll be working out of a church on the north side doing a little bit of everything - youth evangelism, seniors, kids club, worship night, drama etc.
The above picture is Brett Joseph- we got to hang out for a bit this afternoon. Isn't he cute?! We're tight. I lived with his family for nine months last year....they are the bomb.com
What happened?
So I'm sitting in chapters.. I have a half hour to kill before I get my hair cut. I thought I would snag a bible out of the "bible and bible studies" section, curl up in a chair where no one can find me and read for a bit. WAIT A SECOND...I discovered all the bibles have been removed.. this makes me really curious, I almost laughed out loud, the section called "bible and bible studies" have no bibles... keep moving to your right.. that's right to the section called "Christianty".. they have no bibles either. The books they do have in these sections really scared me too..
Maybe I should check out the New Age section.. maybe that's where they're keeping the bibles these days...
Remembering the good ole days!
My mum is trying to sell my grade 12 prom dress. The lady that wants to buy it is from out of town and wanted digital pictures sent to her of me wearing the dress. Hahaha... funny story, grade 12 was four years ago...I was a size four in grade 12..and well that is not my current size! I just love trying on clothes that USED to fit! NOT!!!
His Grace brings Joy
Laying on my bed, listening to the Jason Upton CD from the conference in Connecticut in January.
"You're not alone.. don't be afraid little warrior bride, victory is on the other side..you're not alone"
I love getting into the space I'm in right now- kinda reflective, kinda sleepy. I wish I could fast forward the next month and skip over all the assignments I've procastinated all semester and final exams but it's awesome just to take a moment and just "be." I can't believe I've never caught onto this before. I'd never learned how to find peace in the storm. We sang a song at church on Sunday about Grace- and I couldn't control myself- God even started to release a new sense of joy through it. It's like I'd never grabbed hold of the grace God had available and applied it to life- to all the struggles, to all those assignments, to every time my prayer time gets cut short, and it was robbing my joy! Hahaha, it was such a revelation, allowing God's grace to cover those places where I fall short lifted such a weight- it was such a Father God moment. His grace IS suffcient and His joy does bring strength.. something so simple but so life giving.
Is it Apathy?
You know- I'm not one for exposing my heart on the internet for the whole world to read. I wanted to maintain my blog as a way for people to keep up with what I was doing mainly back home in Fredericon- however I feel vulnerable tonight, and I apologize in advance to everyone out there in cyber land as I disentangle the mystery of my heart. I wish I was better at journalling. I asked Skyy once to lay hands on me and impart the gift of journalling- she wasn't digging me. Blogging will have to do.
I don't understand intercession. A little testimony- I was placed on an "intercession" team probably when I was 18 or 19 and I had never seen a physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit ever. Our team started to pray and I here I was with a bunch of Anglican kids and I got knocked out flat on my face and I started to groan and make noises that I had never made before. Someone thought I was sick and ran and got David Parsons (thank God they got him). He sat beside me for like three hours and it never stopped and this way that I pray has never changed. Now don't get me wrong I understand what "intercession" is.. I know that it's an intervening prayer- a prayer to God on behalf of another person. What I really need wisdom in is this whole travailing deal. I've done a little research over the years and I've discovered (I think)- that this particular kind of intercession is called burden bearing. It makes perfect sense to me. Sometimes when I pray (or groan, let's not get technical), I don't feel comfortable (don't get weirded out), unless I'm in a particular position. Some people have told me I look like I'm giving birth. I don't know- I just really want to learn more about it and I really desire to be mentored in intercession, I really believe that's the gifting God has placed on me. I don't understand anything about it- all I can say is that I go with it and pray that something is "birthed" through travailing. I'm praying that God will increase words of knowledge and wisdom so that I will have a better awareness of what I am travailing for. Sometimes I'm just flung into it and I don't know why and I just have to trust that there's a reason and God knows and God is just using me as His vessel and something somewhere will be released because of it. I really would love to walk in an increased discernment though. Yeah- I don't know why this is really on my heart right now- I guess, it's because I know this gift is there and I haven't been doing anything about it mainly because I'm scared and because I don't know how to use it. I was driving in the van alone a couple weeks ago and I felt the presence of the Lord just come in the van and something rose up in me like never before and I felt myself just taking back what had been stolen from me. I've walked in so much timidity and fear. There needs to be a mentoring group for intercessors.. seriously... that way no one gets freaked out or offended and others can learn... anyways just my thoughts.
Here's some stuff that I've been looking through
1-Intercession involves burden bearing.
a- Carrying of burdens involves taking on the weakness of the individual, 'family' unit, or corporate unit.
-Lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh, pride of life.
b-Burden-bearing includes taking on the 'personality' of the one prayed for - living out the reactions of the one prayed for - so that the one prayed for can come face to face with their self and their flesh.
-The guardian angel of the one prayed for will accurately manifest how 'his charge' would react in any given scenario.
c-Forsakenness may be felt because God the Father cannot look on burden- bearer - Father sees Jesus on the cross in the person and must look away.
1-Holy Spirit still communicates with the burden-bearer to comfort and encourage him.
2-Jesus will communicate with the burden-bearer about the ministry of suffering.
2-Groaning and travail.
a-Groaning is the Spirit praying when we don't know what to pray. II Corinthians 10:14
Travail - Galatians 4:19; Isaiah 66:7,8; Isaiah 53:11; John 16:21.
When a woman gives birth to a child, she travails. John 16:21
Burdens are conceived as a child is and are born with travail.
Zion travailed and brought forth children. Isaiah 66:7,8
Paul travailed for the Galatians until they were mature. Galatians 4:19
Christ travailed - pouring out His soul unto death.
3-Three stages of a burden - three stages of a baby's growth within the womb.
a-First trimester - burden is light - conscious of its growth but not heavy or uncomfortable.
b-Second trimester - burden begins to get heavy and we begin to get uncomfortable under it.
c-Third trimester - burden very heavy, ever aware of its presence - travail begins.
4-Three stages of travail - similar to stages of labor.
a-Muscle contractions can occur causing muscle strain, pain, and fatigue.
b-Travail progresses from light to moderate to heavy.
c-Release comes when the burden is birthed.
5-Holy Spirit (through Himself and the angels) then sets up the scenarios necessary for the subject of the burden to learn what the burden accomplished.
Psalm 91:11 - For He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways
http://www.elijah.org/perfecting/incburdn.htm
Sabbath weekend
Went home to Fredericton for some much needed R and R... that's Rest and Relaxation for you Scott and any of my brother's friends that might be reading this. I've been taking this class at school called "Spiritual Formation" and it's all about spiritual discipline and getting your life in order. The text for the class is "Ordering you Private World." I can't think of the author right now, but it's all about cultivating personal disciplines so that you don't burn out and so that you don't give away more then what you are personally receiving. It's a great book and it's been one of the more revolutionalizing courses that I have taken this year. Anyways- going home this weekend was for sure a reflection of what I have learned in that course. I was overwhelmed with decisions to be made about school and the summer and I definetly needed the time to retreat and spend some time away. For those who know me know that I draw my energy from spending time alone- and sometimes that comes out wrong, ie. that I don't like to spend time with people---which is completely wrong. I am just aware of my limitations and know that I need to "re-engergize" to be an effective group person. Anyways I had a great time home- I really encourage everyone regardless of your position in life or what type of person you are to take time to retreat away, think and reflect. I spent last year running myself into the ground and I've really learned the value of rest, saying "no"..and not taking phone calls for an evening. Don't feel bad- you'll be a more effective for ministry if you can think clearly yourself.
I also got to spend some time with my mum, my pastors Matt and Chrissie, my friend Danica and my whole home Church. Off to write an essay- one month of school left!
Enjoying "Nature"
Today was a very splendid day. I always make a point of taking Saturday's off and try to do something none school or work related, ie. something fun. It usually doesn't ammount to much, usually a movie, or a walk, or even just relax with non-school books excites me! However- today I got to go on an adventure. Around four o'clock Kara and I headed to the Irving nature Park for a late afternoon hike.
This is Kara hanging out on the board walk- and below is the water as the sun starts to set.
Around six thirty we realized it was getting dark and we didn't know where the exit was. We decided we could never make make good nature tour guides. Finally around seven pm in the complete dark we found our way out of the forest and into the real world. It was a wonderful afternoon walk and a much needed escape from school!
March Break Madness
We did something every night this week with the Grace Harvest Youth Group since they were on their March Break. On thursday night we went bowling. Here is Adam striking a bowling pose (he's secretly on a bowling league) and some other friends enjoying some bowling action! We finished March Break on Friday night with a night of worship and intercession in the college chapel. It was a blessed time!
Progressive Dinner etc.
Last night at youth group we had a "progressive dinner." The youth group all met at one location where they enjoyed some spicy nachos. We then jumped into five different cars and headed across town to enjoy the main course. At our last house we had dessert and then had our usual youth group (is youth group ever usual?). The first photo is Chad, Jordan and Skyy recovering from ice cream sundaes at the Trecartins house. The second photo is the van load of girls I drove from each location- Brittany, Marli, Natalie, Maddi and Sarah (Jessie is sitting in the front)- at the end of the night Brittany and Jessie had such a good time hanging out in the Lord's presence they had to be carried to the van (thanks Jordan.. I owe ya). The third photo is Courtney and I hanging out after dessert and before Margo spoke. It was awesome night of fellowship, food, fun, prayer, intercession, worship and hanging out/rolling around in the Lord's presence. I'm blessed to be hanging out with such a radical crowd. Happy March Break!
Diary of a Mad Black Woman
Jess and I had a pyjama and movie night. Tonight's movie- "Diary of A Mad Black Woman." One of the greatest movies I've ever seen! It's a Christian movie- about a woman whose husband leaves her and she finds God through it all. Lots of healing, lots of Jesus, lots of laughing, lots of crying and best of all, lots of large ladies singing in gospel choirs! Muah! Definatly a movie to see... lots of intertwined themes.. from love and relationships, to forgiveness and healing. I love it!
Today was a very splendid day. I always make a point of taking Saturday's off and try to do something none school or work related, ie. something fun. It usually doesn't ammount to much, usually a movie, or a walk, or even just relax with non-school books excites me! However- today I got to go on an adventure. Around four o'clock Kara and I headed to the Irving nature Park for a late afternoon hike.
This is Kara hanging out on the board walk- and below is the water as the sun starts to set.
We did something every night this week with the Grace Harvest Youth Group since they were on their March Break. On thursday night we went bowling. Here is Adam striking a bowling pose (he's secretly on a bowling league) and some other friends enjoying some bowling action! We finished March Break on Friday night with a night of worship and intercession in the college chapel. It was a blessed time!
¶ 10:35 PM 1 comments
